Behold! The Reproductive Conundrum!

I’ve heard it called the “Original Sin,” but is it? Why exactly is “sex” a sin? It is, biologically speaking, the act of creating more humans. Having a deity that says procreation is a bad idea makes very little sense. If we didn’t do it, us lowly humans would die out and then there wouldn’t be anyone left to worship anyone, would there?

To me, it sounds like the admission of something people don’t like to think happens to a deity, he made a mistake. “Oops. Well will you look at that! When I created the humans I seem to have accidentally installed a reproductive system! And Jesus Christ they’re breeding like rabbits! If they don’t realize that’s a sin I’m sending you down to straighten that out!” “Aw! But dad!”

I’m curious, do you think that could be why we had the flood? “That reproductive system you installed is working great, dad!” “Shut up, son. I’m gonna start over.” “Well, how very etch-a-sketch of you dad!”

But it’s not just regular, potentially reproductive sex, that’s bad. Anal sex is against god’s will in some places. If he wanted us to do it that way he would have told us, but he didn’t, so it’s evil. Really? Like he told us to look out for cancer or crossing the street? Look, god created the humans, right? If tab A fits into slot B, which it might sometimes, is it really against the will of god? It seems the blueprint for humans would allow for it. I’m posing the question and letting you figure out your own answer on this one. Although the idea of jailing someone for having anal sex, which is done in some unenlightened, backwards, uncivilized places like Uganda or Alabama, and putting them in a cell with someone else who’s there for the same reason, leading, likely, to more anal sex makes about as much sense as the rest of these sex laws that are on the books.

Now, I do understand that incest bad for genetic purposes. The genes don’t mix unto themselves all that well and, presto, we get some rather unfortunate humans. Although, wouldn’t it be great if royal families would figure that out? Look at Kentucky, a state known for inbreeding. Would you want those people to “rule”? Maybe that’s why Mitch McConnell looks like a turtle. Don’t inbreed. It’s bad for the species. Although if you think about it, in the Abrahamic faiths, we all have to be descendants of Noah and his family so, technically, we’re all related and all sex is incestual at some level. If you have had sex recently, it’s likely with a variation of a 5-billionth cousin 10^25 times removed or some such nonsense.

Next we have one sexual “deviancy,” that is inexplicably linked to homosexuality for some reason. Don’t try breeding with animals. Let’s just get the obvious out of the way, this is not how your create a Minotaur. I’ll get something else obvious out of the way, I have a lot of gay friends and even gay relatives who have all wondered what most of you wondered when you heard about this, likely from a Senator who was later accused of it or a Pastor in similar circumstances, “What the hell are you talking about?!” I’ve known a lot of gay people from both perspectives on this. Neither male couples nor female couples seem to be actually into this whole bestiality thing.

Now I’m going to go somewhere no one wants to go. If you REALLY want to have sex with an animal, why are we to say no? Go right ahead. Just keep in mind, it is going to be purely recreational. It is physically impossible for a human to breed with a non-human. Although, I wouldn’t publicize the relationship you’re having with your dog, cat, gerbil, horse, snake, rhino, whatever. You might get ostracized – and no, that doesn’t mean sex with an ostrich.

And now we’re back at the base concept for the whole thing: sin. Look. This is simple. All of the Commandments come down to this principal. All of the Buddhist concepts. All the Hindu, Pagan, Islamic faiths boil down to this one thing. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you think sex is awful, don’t do it. In that previous sentence, the word “sex” can be replaced with “steal” or “murder” or “covet.” If you don’t want it done to you, don’t do it to someone else.

This, of course, means that there really is one aspect of sex that is evil: rape. If you don’t want to be raped, don’t rape someone. Eventually, you will be caught and either killed or sent to prison where someone bigger and meaner than you will rape you… frequently. There’s your sex sin. It’s called rape. Anything consensual, go for it… in the privacy of your own home. There is still that taboo about doing it in public. Maybe I’ll get to that someday.


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