The All-Present, All-Knowing, All-Confused, All-Right-I-Give-Up

If god is all knowing and all watching, why do we have to dedicate so much time to letting him know that we know he’s watching and we… what? Appreciate it? If this was an all-watching human we’d either think, “Oh Look! The NSA”, or, have him arrested for peeping. But as it is, he’s allegedly omni-present (everywhere for you Republicans) and all-knowing. But if he knows all, then doesn’t he know we’re appreciative of his works?

Seriously, this isn’t a hard one. God is everywhere? God is everything? Really? Well, then everything is already god, including the humans, so really prayer is just an exercise in narcissism by an omniscient being. He loves himself so much that he makes himself (us) pray to god (him) frequently. I mean, seriously, why do we have to tell him (ourselves) so often?

I find it hard to believe that god’s an idiot. (I’ll tie this together, gimme a moment.) He’s probably figured it out by now. This is the reason I think god wants us to pray so frequently: he gets a big laugh out of it. Watching himself pray to himself and ask himself for things that he, technically, if he’s everywhere and everything, already has.

Here’s one for you, going off last week’s topic. If god is everywhere and everything then god is all of us, meaning that all sex is really god just masturbating. There! Wrap your head around that one!

And what’s with this hell thing? If part of god does bad things unto other parts of god then god sends parts of himself to a place of damnation for all eternity? Are you sure? That leads me to this option, is god just schizophrenic? He spends so much time imagining that he’s everywhere and everything, praying to himself regularly for things he is and doesn’t really need if he just reorganizes himself to let himself have himself.

Ooh, there’s an idea. Poverty and sickness need not exist if god paid a little more attention to himself, or herself. (Sorry, I hadn’t meant to be sexist.) This, of course, means that if god is everywhere and everything, he/she/it is not really into personal hygiene. If he/she/it were, then god would rearrange him/her/itself so that those parts that are lacking and suffering wouldn’t be doing so anymore.

Let’s look at the alternative to this. God is not everywhere and everything. That would mean that god is not all-knowing or all-powerful. Does that mean that god is no longer a god? Wouldn’t that mean that god is a construct of man? One of those early means of explanation of how the universe works? We don’t have the science yet to understand how the moon hangs in the sky or how things fall to the Earth. So, god does it for us. There! We get it now. It’s wrong, but we get it.

So, God, then, is a man-made construct to make us feel better about the universe. That there is a reason to it all. The alternative? God is a schizophrenic with poor hygiene. Here’s a better thought: Why don’t we just not worry about god, at all?

If god is man-made, then who needs him/her/it? If god is the schizophrenic, then he already knows how he feels about himself (I’m tired, insert the other pronouns if you want) and can take care of himself from here. But if we, as intelligent beings realize that treating each other with at least a modicum of respect and trying to make sure that we don’t do anything bad to each other, then we won’t have to worry about these religious wars. We won’t have to worry about prejudices, many of which are based on religions. We won’t have to worry about the rich/poor divide because we’ll all be helping each other exist on this world.

Wow! All of us getting along regardless of race, religion, creed, sexual preference or orientation? What a concept! Doesn’t that sound like a better place already?

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