The Only Thing We Have To Fear…

There’s a term I hear batted around a few times a year and I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure I understand it correctly. The term, as you might have guessed, is religious in nature and might explain why I don’t entirely understand the purpose of religion a little more. The term, or more precisely, I suppose, adjective, is “God-fearing.” I see this used a lot in books and television, and I would suspect, personal ads, when, usually, a single woman says she wants a “God-fearing” man. Why on Earth would you want one of those?

I suppose I do understand why one would fear God. It’s not like God has been particularly nice to “his creations.” The big flood. Having them thrown to the lions. Cancer. The Corona virus. According to one source, he even had his own son nailed to a piece of wood for a few days! Why? To “cleanse the world of sin.” But… he’s “God,” why didn’t he just go “SHAZAM! (or whatever) The sins of the world have been removed! Sin-ectomys are my specialty this week.” Notice I don’t add in a price there, because, as I’ve said before, what possible reason would God have for wanting money? He’s God. He can just go “Shazam” and presto – whatever he needs is there. He doesn’t need to buy anything. Anyway, I suppose, in that context, God-fearing does make sense. God sounds like a psychopath, what with killing off his own creation in his myriad of differing methods.

So, what exactly do people want when they say they want a God-fearing man? That doesn’t really sound, for lack of a better term, macho, does it? If he’s afraid of God, then why not the burglar, or the mugger? That doesn’t sound like there would be much safety with someone like him around. And safety is one of those things that women claim to want. I’m not sure how you’re going to get safety from a coward, though.

How about looking for a man who might be God worshiping, but not fearing. Why be afraid of God? If God is going to do whatever God wants to do, what’s the point in living in fear? I know some women want a new man IN their bed; I don’t know of many who want a new man UNDER their bed. And if he’s hiding in the closet… he might not be the man for you. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Just saying. He doesn’t have to be aggressively non-fearful. I don’t see the point in standing out in a thunderstorm holding a metal rod yelling “Do your worst!” That’s gone beyond aggressive and into the world of stupid. God isn’t going to strike that guy down. Science will… eventually.

Here’s my advice for those of you who are looking for someone who is religious. Just say: I want one that’s Religious. You can even pray for one if you want. Just be careful to enunciate. If Papa Smurf shows up, don’t complain to God about how you wanted one that’s Jewish, not blue-ish.

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