Fat Guns

I may have found a link between two things that one the surface look like they have nothing to do with each other. Bear with me on this. This hit me during the “protests” that have been popping up about people who want to go outside without masks and wave their guns around. In the photos taken of these events, I noticed that none of the guys with the guns looked to be in particularly good shape, physically. Not that I’m looking for something like that it just occurred to me, perhaps there is a correlation between guns and obesity.

Let’s start with the gun owners. One of their big arguments is that they need the guns for home protection in case the government comes to take their rights away. Never mind that they don’t need to be physically there to do that and even if they did they’d use a tank. Your little AR-15 and shotgun collections can’t do much against those. Nor could they take out a drone with Hellfire missiles. But that’s neither here nor there.

Alternatives to guns for protection include alarm systems, which all the police to come protect you, or, and here’s where my point starts to show up, physical/martial arts defenses. Something I’ve noticed about a lot of gun owners in the news is that they don’t seem to be interested in physical conditioning. And why should they? After all, Bruce Lee, arguably the greatest martial artist ever, was killed with a bullet. If it can kill Bruce Lee, then why bother with the physical stuff when my gun can do it for me? Bullets don’t care how many sit-ups you can do. Thus, the pot-bellied redneck was born. No physical training or exercise means obesity.

Let’s look at the other end of the spectrum on this one. The gun victim. Again, for defense, physical training would be nice. However, if you’re going to get mugged or have your house broken into, chances are it’s being done by someone with a gun. Even Usain Bolt can’t outrun bullets, so why bother with physical training. Again, we’re headed toward obesity.

Brian Cage is technically obese. (courtesy of Impact Wrestling)

This does not mean that guns are the cause of all obesity. I don’t think that it’s very helpful that some people are considered obese are in incredible shape. Take this picture of professional wrestler Brian Cage for example. He is considered clinically obese. I’d go more for obscene, but that’s the medical industry for you. I would have said “in incredible shape” but what do I know? It doesn’t help that serving sizes are insane. For example, a serving size of ice cream is 1/5 of a cup, or one spoonful.

There are a lot of obesity issues. However, what I’m going for here is another reason to at least restrict guns in the states. If you don’t feel safe walking around without a gun, you have issues that are not related to the gun. And you walking around with an AR-15 on your shoulder makes me feel unsafe since I have no idea what’s going to set you, or more importantly, your gun, off. Canada, bless ’em, had the common sense to look at the massacre a few weeks ago and ban guns from the country. I honestly commend them for having the balls to do that. Obviously, the United States still needs to have a few thousand more massacres before it catches on. I’m just hoping, irrationally, that if we make the plea for THEIR health, they’ll at least lighten up a bit.

I know. It’s not going to happen. But we can hope.

1 Comment

  1. Rob – thanks for saying what so many of us think. I mean our thoughts may not be exactly like yours (for instance, many of us think this silly bravado may be connected to another part of the anatomy,) but most are definitely in line with where you went with this. I agree with the physical bit. if any of these yahoos want to be taken seriously they need to either hire a physically fit specimen to at least stand it that man-spread stance with some kind of Nija-esk scowl underneath their mask or bandana and some kind of arsenal of guns attached to various places on their bodies… as it is they all look dangerously silly. GREAT article my friend!


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