Where’s Jesus? Hanging Out With Waldo.

Something I’ve heard all my life from assorted people in assorted places, from in-person to on television or in a movie, is that someone has “found religion.” I’ve always found this to be a bit odd for two reasons, and, if you’ll notice that this post doesn’t end with this singular paragraph, I’m going to share those reasons with you.

1) Who hid the religion?

Well, if you’ve just found religion, then it stands to reason that someone hid it from you. Hiding something that you now find so incredibly fundamental sounds a bit cruel. That doesn’t sound like something that a Jesus-type figure is supposed to do. Loki, the Nordic God of Mischief? Yeah. But Jesus? And if you’re wondering why I’m picking on the Christians, when was the last time you heard someone say I found Judaism? Or Islam? Or any non-Christian religion? It’s always a hunt for Jesus – Like a “Where’s Waldo” book. “I found Jesus! He’s by the lamp post near the bridge!”

While we’re on the subject of losing things, I think too much credit is given to Jesus when things are found. The other day, I was doing laundry and I found my wife’s car keys in her jeans. I gave them back and she said, “Oh thank Jesus! I was wondering where those were.” I didn’t say it out loud (as I prefer sleeping in the bed as opposed to on the couch) but I heavily thought, “Did you just thank Jesus for ME finding your keys while doing YOUR laundry?” Our laundry room is quite small and there isn’t much room in there for me, the machines, the clothes and a roll of paper towels, much less a Lord and Savior. I looked. I didn’t find Jesus. I did find a “Where’s Waldo” book that had fallen behind the dryer.

2) Were you really looking?

I can’t believe that you were looking that hard for religion. Religion is EVERYWHERE! In the town where I live, a quite small town, there is a McDonalds, a Wal-Mart, a strip mall with a few assorted crap stores, a Chinese take-out place that doesn’t understand that I hate snow-peas and they can’t figure out they should leave them out of my order no matter because that’s how I order it, and NINE churches with a “future home of” site for the tenth. (As a side note, the “future site” is currently just three crosses in a field, two of which have been struck by lightning.)

How can you NOT find religion? Every time someone sneezes, what do you hear? “God bless you.” Look! More religion! On your television, if there is a scene in your television show that takes place outside, chances are there’s a church. There are channels devoted to religion. There are radio stations devoted to religion. There are multiple musical genres devoted to religion. (Yes, I do know a Christian RAPPER.) If you get out and go shopping, you’re going to see someone wearing a cross around their neck on a little chain. MORE RELIGION!

My point is, you didn’t find it. It’s always been there. You noticed it. You finally became aware of it. You just now decided to acknowledge it. And that’s fine. Go right ahead. But don’t say you just “found it.” Don’t say you just “discovered it” either. Christianity has been around for about 1,600 years. You didn’t DISCOVER it. The only religion I’ve heard about being discovered in my lifetime is the “Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.” Of all the religions, that’s probably the one I know the least about, but I’m willing to learn. Join? Not likely. But learn. Always keep learning. Keep accepting knowledge. And the sooner you realize that someone who doesn’t share your religion isn’t evil, the better we’ll all be. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. That’s in every religion – including Satanism. If you don’t want someone knocking your beliefs, stop knocking everyone else’s.


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