And You Told Me This Because…?

I had yet another checkup recently that involved something I don’t care for doing. No! Not that checkup. (Not yet, anyway.) This involved giving blood for testing. Actually, it’s not the giving that I object to… it’s the receiving. Let me explain.

I don’t get blood back. I give blood. They test it. I get test results. The thing is, it takes several days for the tests to be run and the results to come in. Well, I’m not waiting in that little room for several days waiting for the results to come back. I’m pretty sure I’d get hungry after a while. So, yeah, I go home.

The test results show up in an encrypted email. I have to enter passwords that change pretty much every email for security purposes. I have to admit that I don’t really understand the level of security on this stuff. Even if someone “cracks the code” on it, what good is it going to do them to know that my A1C level is down? Or my triglycerides are… whatever triglycerides do. This is where my issue really comes in on this one.

The results I get are things like “your ‘X’ is up this month while your ‘Y’ is down.” Well, that’s great… I guess. I have no idea what most of it means. There’s not an explanation attached. What possible good is sending test results with no context? They may as well be sending me the results of the New Zealand Rugby tournament. Actually, no, the rugby might make a bit more sense.

Honestly, even if, on the off chance I’m still in the office, getting the results aren’t going to do me much good. Again, “your ‘X’ is up this month.”

“Really, Doc? That’s great… isn’t it?”

Then, he invariably launches into a medical jargon laced speech about what it means… but only in medical terms. Eventually, on the rare occasions he takes a breath, I do ask, “so, is that good?” He’ll usually say, “yeah, that’s good” but completely miss my reaction of, “that’s all I’m looking for.” If it’s good, say it’s good and THEN get technical. If it’s bad, at least validate my parking before telling me I have six weeks left to live.

Don’t panic. He didn’t say anything so I’m pretty sure I’m still good for a while.

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