Just the Fax? What decade to you live in?

Insurance. That should be a joke and a punchline all in one. Just say “Insurance” and everyone gets a good laugh, knowing that it never really works the way it’s supposed to. Here’s another example.

My oldest is now old enough to get her own insurance. This sounds like it should be a good thing. She’s switching from our insurance with “company A” and getting, through her own work, “company A” insurance. You may have noticed that I didn’t change the name. That’s because she’s not switching companies, she’s just getting her own account with them. Here’s where the hassle begins.

When you turn 26, as she did a few months back, you are no longer eligible to be on your parents insurance. We talked to the insurance people and my wife’s work’s insurance people about two months BEFORE her birthday to make sure that the transfer from ours to hers would be smooth sailing and we were told it would be. We were gasp lied to.

Two days before she was to be on her own account, they decided they couldn’t remove her from our account. Reason? I still haven’t been given one. Of course, I wasn’t given a reason for why she disappeared from our account two years ago and declared dead. She isn’t and we fixed that but it took a few months. No, this time, we just wanted someone at the insurance company to turn to another person at the insurance company and say, “here’s her file. She’s yours now.” That’s all it should have taken. Key word? Should.

In order to do this in a timely manner, the insurance company had to FAX us information to be FAXED to my wife’s work, who would then FAX it to my daughter’s work, who would FAX it to the insurance company. No one had to sign anything. No one had to fill out any forms. And, apparently, no one at the insurance company has ever heard of email. The claim we were given was that all emails have to be encrypted. My reply, “fine. Knock yourself out. Just send the damn thing.” It takes 24+ hours to encrypt the email.


Nothing at the Pentagon has ever taken 24+ hours to encrypt. How am I supposed to decrypt something like that? And what it the purpose of encrypting it that damn much? (See last week’s entry for more encryption fun.)

My big question was, why are we involved in this process at all? The only thing that really changed was that her insurance was no longer coming from her mom’s work; it was coming from hers. I’m going to channel my inner Jeremy Clarkson on this one but “how hard can it be?”

Seeing as we had to, suddenly, find ourselves working with state-of-the-art technology from 1992, we had to find someone with a fax machine. Wife’s work might have one but no one knows the number anymore since no one’s used it since 1998. Eventually, we found out that Office Depot/Max will accept faxes. It might have been nice if it weren’t half-an-hour away. Eventually, we did get this sorted. She has insurance and it’s in her name. Yay. But I now have a better understanding of why our medical community is so far behind the rest of the world. We’re still waiting on a fax. It wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest to have a major surgery delayed someday because of a paper jam. Honestly, would that surprise you?


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