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How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love The F-Bomb

I suppose I should follow up the intro piece with something on this since I suspect there will be a lot of people wondering if there will be “bad language” in the show. Honestly, that depends on how you define “bad language.” “But Rob,” I hear you cry, “you have the ‘F’ word right there in the title!”

Do I? I know a lot of people might look at that and say, “Oh, For F*ck’s Sake! What a great name for how I feel about so many things going on today.” Which is true, but that word isn’t there, is it? You mentally inserted the word. Granted, that’s how I think about the title, too. But it’s still not really there. And why should it matter if it is? Is that really such a “bad word?”

In it’s most basic sense, it means to have sex – the “original sin.” Granted, why it’s a sin to reproduce is beyond me. That sounds like a jealous God things happening there. “No one can create life except me!” says God. “Unless you do that thing I designed you for, which, in retrospect, might not have been such a good idea. So, I’ll tell everyone (which he didn’t, really) that it’s a sin to do that and all will be well with the world.”

That God fella is a bit weird, isn’t he? Or she. Or whatever. (See later blog entry)

So, having sex. Making love. Fcking. Fornicating. It’s all really the same thing – sometimes with a little religion sprinkled on top for guilt purposes. Sex, everyone can do that. Making love, usually reserved for married couples, terminology-wise, but it’s the same act. Fornicating sounds like two shady lawyers doing it on a table in a clandestined office somewhere. And, let’s be honest here, that last one sounds the dirtiest, doesn’t it? So, why is fck the bad one?

Or how about sh!t? Is that really so horrible a word? More people use that every day that words like Cacophony, Kerfuffle, Ragamuffin or even the word Terminology. I will also channel my inner George Carlin and point out that using ‘shoot’ doesn’t count as a substitution because “shoot is sh!t with two ‘o’s.” Why is it so bad? I mean, it’s not a pleasant thing, unlike f*ck. It’s usually referring to a waste material produced by lifeforms. Everybody does it, but it’s somehow bad.

“So will words like this end up in the blog? Or the podcast (when you get around to that part of it)?” Maybe. To me, not using them would be a sort of censorship. Granted, I’m censoring myself in this by using ! and * in place of certain vowels. To me, that’s funnier than using the words themselves. You know what goes there. I know what goes there. My 5-year old nephew probably knows what goes there. So, why do we censor ourselves like that? What’s the point?

I don’t have an answer, by the way. I really don’t know. I try not to use language like that as much as I used to. When I do, it’s because I’m “at that level” of annoyance. Let’s use another word or two as examples. Let’s say that someone has annoyed me, but to what level? That’s where my scale comes in. If it’s a minor annoyance, that person is usually an ‘idiot.’ If it escalates, I upgrade the term to ‘pain in the @ss’. If you cut me off in traffic, thus endangering not just my life but possibly that of my kids who might be in the car at the time, ‘b!tch’. And if you call my phone several times an hour to tell me that I really need to buy your insurance, you’re a ‘c^nt’. Which, oddly, is simply a slang term for vagina, which somehow got translated as ‘p^ssy’, which is not only a young cat, but also someone who isn’t tough. This is a bit ironic since those things can take a pounding, unlike the balls, which are used as a metaphor for someone who is tough despite those particular body parts being extraordinarily unable to take even a slight flicking – nor does it need to be censored in anyway, for no particular reason.

And we’re back to f*ck and whether I will censor the blog or not. Well, you’ve read this far and you’ll see a healthy sprinkling of *s, ^s, and !s. That’s about all you’re going to get. There will be ‘bad language’ involved at some point. It’s not always needed but sometimes it pops up and it will ‘rear it’s ugly head.’ And, frankly, you should be over it already. Just sit back and enjoy the show.

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Published by Rob Steele

I'm an author, comedian, father, producer, writer (different from author - in my mind) and all-around good guy.

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