Irksome Protocol

I have been trying to figure out a particular public protocol of late and I can not wrap my head around this one. It concerns telephone calls. You remember that old method of communicating that doesn’t involve Twitter or Facebook. It’s the reason your cellular device is still called a phone, even if that’s not what you use it for.

I don’t receive a lot of phone calls, and I do that on purpose. I do prefer getting emails to other methods of contact. They usually have to be short and to the point. Phone calls can tend to be rambling. Now, if it’s a conversation, that’s different, but if it’s a company wanting something from me, send me an email.

Having said that, I have received a number of phone calls lately from Kansas Counselors. “Who the hell are Kansas Counselors?” I hear you ask. “Is that your shrink? I thought you lived in Georgia.” No, not my shrink. Yes, I do live in Georgia (against my will). I had to look them up. Kansas Counselors are a debt collection company. What exactly they counsel, I couldn’t tell you. Misnamed and very misleading and, right there, I’m leaning toward a very dishonest company.

Regardless, apparently we missed a medical bill somewhere. There’s enough of them; I’ll get to that in another post. My guess would be that they want money. I get that. However, they’re going about it in a more circuitous method than I am in getting to the point. They don’t say who they are or what they want… and that irks me.

Most calls I receive on my phone go like this:

“Hello, this is Tiffany. May I speak to [Rob’s wife whose name has been redacted at her request].” My usual response is, “She doesn’t know any Tiffanys (which is true), therefore I conclude you’re calling from a company. What company?” “Kansas Counselors.” “And you want to talk to her about…?”

And this is there they lose me. “Well, sir, it is concerning a personal matter.” My gut reaction is to go on about how, “Oh, you’re the one whose sleeping with my wife!” which I have done – they don’t like that, but, eh, f*ck ‘em. Instead, I usually retort with “This is her husband, and if you want to speak to her, you have to tell me what it is about.” Not an unreasonable request, especially considering they called my cell phone instead of hers. (No, we don’t have a house land-line.)

“Well, sir, it is against our policy to discuss the subject without their consent.” Oh, really. “Well, Tiffany, you aren’t getting to her until you tell me what this is about. So what you really need to do is ask yourself, how is this policy working out for you? Is it helping or hindering your objective?”

That’s when they usually hang up on me. Normally, I’m not terribly rude to them. Sometimes I can be. I find it terribly rude to call someone’s phone, particularly their cell phone, ask for someone who the phone doesn’t belong to, and then not tell them what it is about. Isn’t that more rude?

Random Question:

Just because I have nowhere else to put this next little question, I’ll put it here. I just got an ad in the mail for MyBlu, an electronic cigarette. Didn’t they just ban those? And if so, why am I getting an ad for them? I don’t even smoke… anymore.


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