Certified Identification? Really?

It came up again. I’ve mentioned it before. I’ll probably mention it again. Am I the only one who thinks that the concept of a birth certificate is not only silly, but it’s patently absurd to think it could be used as a form of identification? It can’t really just be me, can it?

It has come up several times over the past couple of years. I first noticed it when I had to renew my driver’s license. The DMV wanted me to prove I’m me by using my birth certificate. How exactly am I supposed to do that? I can bring it in, sure. (And it must be an original, by the way, no copies – for annoyance purposes.) But If I bring it in, it has absolutely no identifying qualities to it.

Let’s look at the birth certificate. It has the name of the person. Typed. It’s really hard to get a literally newborn baby’s signature. It also has the name of the parents, who aren’t even in the same state as I am much less with me at the time I’m getting my license renewed. My dad was with me on the original one, but none since. It has the name of the hospital where I was born. Well, yippee! I don’t remember that hospital, at all. Nor can I visit it in what will almost certainly be a vain attempt to remember my first several hours of external existence since the hospital has been leveled to build a new grocery store. What else does my birth certificate have? The OB/GYN who delivered me. I’m told he’s dead now so he likely can’t identify me without someone using a Ouija board.

And that’s really it. No social security number. No finger prints. No foot prints (on mine anyway). No DNA. I’ve seen some with the birth weight on it, but I think everyone, no matter how much they diet, have gained weight since birth. But, what I think is most important of all, no picture on the certificate. Not that picture of me as a newborn would help. Other than potentially Benjamin Button (who isn’t real, by the way) who could possibly look the same as they did when they were born?

This leaves us with, what? The paper it’s printed on? What good is that for identifying purposes? There is literally nothing on a birth certificate that can help identify someone. Is it proof of birth? Maybe. So is you standing next to the person who wants the certificate in the first place. And, check this out, you don’t need to see his or her birth certificate to know they were born since THEY’RE RIGHT THERE! Spectacular concept, eh?

Now this leaves us with a conundrum. What do we do about it? I would say write your congressman/woman/inter-gender-whatever, but I can’t see that doing any good. Senators or Representatives? They’re having trouble figuring out if if Trump really committed all the crimes he’s alleged of doing. Incidentally, if any ONE was committed, then he’s got to go. Those are actual crimes. The Republicans wanted to get rid of Clinton for getting blown, which isn’t a crime outside of Alabama. But I digress…

The moral of the story, make sure you have your birth certificate. Some people have trouble believing things exist that are right in front of them… even if that something is you.


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