I’d like to get something off my chest that has been bothering me this entire presidential term. Actually, even before that. Quite a bit before that. There is a particular group of people that have been blamed for a majority of what’s going wrong in the world: white males. And the people who are doing the blaming ARE RIGHT! Here’s the problem… I’m, technically, a white male.

The male part isn’t in question. It’s there and functional. I’ve got kids and all that. The problem is the “white” part. I fall into a category called “Caucasian,” which, as George Carlin pointed out, sounds like a shoe style. It also sounds like a Byzantine bathroom sealant – it isn’t. Somehow, people with very light colored skin have been categorized as white.

I have a problem with this because, as you look around your world, you should notice that white people aren’t white – they’re kinda beige, tan, or khaki. Similarly, “black people” are usually a varying shade of brown. If you have an issue with that, look at this text. The text is black and the background is white. Does your skin match either color? I’m willing to bet it doesn’t.

That’s just one of the issues I have with this.

Another would be that, yes, white males (notice I’m not saying “men,” they have, and therefore are categorized as children.) are screwing as many people as possible from positions of power (i.e. congress, senate, the oval office – although he’s more orange) as possible. I agree. They are. Why are they there in the first place? A lack of a decent education system has convinced other less than intelligent people, “white and otherwise” that they should be there when they quite obviously shouldn’t. They’re supposed to be taking care of the country and nurturing it into the next generation not raping it and then repealing Roe v. Wade.

Here’s my issue with this, though: Not all white males are evil, money grubbing bastards from hell. Evidence? Hi, how you doin’? I am a “white” male. I’m not evil. I’m fairly broke. (I mentioned I had kids.) I’m fairly certain that hell is from even deeper in the south than I’m originally from… or New Jersey. (More on that in a later post.) What we’re looking at is, as I mentioned in a brilliant post some time back, colorism. Just because it isn’t aimed at “African-Americans” or “Asians of varying descent” or “women,” doesn’t mean that’s not what it is. Every group on the planet has assholes, and “white” people are no different.

I do have a solution. I mentioned this on a podcast a few years ago but it hasn’t caught on as I’d hoped so let’s try this again. From this moment forward, I am not “white.” I am beige. What does this mean? I’m not a money-grubbing asshole that is trying to impose anything other than good will on anyone else. It’s also a bit more accurate from a Crayola perspective. Please do not attack me and claim that I support Mitch McConnell or Brian Kemp or anyone else who is trying to simply make money by turning government plans against the people. I don’t. You should have read more of my stuff and realized that by now, but, if not, you’re on the blog now so check it all out.

I am Beige! Don’t lump me in with those bastards. Please.


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